Thursday, March 16, 2006

I think we've all been hit by a disease so silent and so malefic that we don't even know it. Maybe it comes with living in a city like Singapore. Maybe we've been desensitized. Maybe we're too used to this that we don't even realize what's really going on anymore.

So you sit here right now, facing the computer screen, with your music switched on, and maybe the television switched on as well, and your handphone is right beside you somewhere and you're on MSN chatting, fingers moving at a rapid pace, and you're thinking as you type and you're reading something typed or some e-mail or somebody's blog -my blog right now- and you're listening to your favourite song and you're surrounded by so much noise all around you that you drown within it and maybe a little bit of you dies away.

They swallow you whole. You drown and you realize how empty you feel. There's so much noise, too much, and they all amount to nothing. They are nothing at the end of the day. Everything... It's all empty empty empty. So hollow and empty. That's what noise does to you- gives you the illusion that everything is okay, that life is full of vitality and time is moving on and you're enjoying yourself and you have a great circle of friends.

But you're just sitting down on the chair, staring blankly into the computer screen which is staring blankly back at you. It's just you. It's just you. There's nobody else around you. They're all words and noises but they're not really human; they're not really there.

I'm sick of MSN. Really. All the "hi"s and all the "how are you"s and all the "take care"s and all the litle suggestive sentences and compliments and backstabbings that are just ugly social masquerades. And we all laugh at things we don't find funny and say things that we don't mean, and yet all the while, we try to figure each other out. I can't see your face. You can lie to me. Who are you? Who are you truly? I make an entrance and an exit alone, and I feel as if everything that happens, is just a big fake theatrical act. I hate mind games. Oh but I'm so guilty, so guilty of all of these.

You know what's the most ironic thing? I thought online conversations are supposed to be more honest and the characters of people are supposed to be divulged more easily since you feel less intimidated and words are so much easier to express than speech. Guess not.

You want to talk?

Talk to me in person.

Confabulated.

1 comment:

Miao said...

i prefer talking on the phone or in person actually.