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debate and JOURNALISM SOCIETY
I can't get the amusing fact out of my head that virtually all my Journalism juniors are male. This interesting verity made even more humorous by another fact: that practically all the Journalism seniors are female- excepting Vinny of course, our one and only adorable male figure whom we bully and treasure alternatively. And not forgetting also how hard I was praying last year for more male students to join our CCA simply to balance out the number of females present. God works in mysterious ways. Heh heh. And what a lovely sense of humour He has.
That aside, I'm holding a lot of anticipation, optimism and expectations for this batch of juniors. However, I'm pretty disturbed by their lack of enthusiasm and initiative to speak up and come up with creative ideas during production meetings. But we've only had 3 meetings so far anyway. Hopefully when they settle down and get to know one another better, and get more involved in the CCA, I’ll see who they really are coming out more- their passion, their inspirations, their capabilities. I know for certain that they’re brimming with potential though, and that makes me really happy and extremely excited. ^^
I've been thinking back about how I was like when I was a J1-if I was like my juniors. I vaguely recall that I was overly enthusiastic and eager to do anything and everything I could get my hands on. I also remember having horrible crushes that came and left as quickly as the passing of a single second. J1s are so impressionable. *Shivers*. Haha… I remember being very optimistic and very determined to prove my worth to god knows who. There was also this sense of alienation I constantly felt like a looming shadow- that I was a year older than the rest. As if surviving Normal wasn’t bad enough, I now had to deal with hysterical HUH?!-YOU"RE-ONE-YEAR-OLDER-THAN-US? questions that never seemed to go away. Most insultingly, the immediate assumption voiced out would be, "You retain arh. Or you drop out of Poly?" Oh yes, and I wanted to score straight 'A's and strongly felt without a doubt that I was able to do so. Now… that resilience is fading to the background and dissipating. I think I really need to go search for that unbreakable spirit I left behind somewhere.
And I've also been thinking about my role as a President- what I've been doing so far, and what I've done in the past. And somehow it just boils down to slight disappointment in me and perhaps resignation as well. I wish I could have done more, that time would have allowed it, that circumstances hadn’t been so hard, that there had been more people who were dedicated and passionate and who actually bothered to come for production meetings, that the right people like Mr Seah and Mr Toh had come earlier to salvage it from the rotting remains of desperations mingled with hidden dreams, that I had been a better leader and had done things better...
But really, I guess it's not so bad at the end of the day.
We made history by publishing Nanyang’s very first newsletter and online newspaper, 'The NY ConneXions'. People around me are actually taking this CCA seriously, and they’re not making jokes about it and insulting it the way they used to in the past. We've finally accrued gradually but steadily some reputation and respect. From a grand total of only 6 members (I’m talking only about the regulars), we've raised the membership of our juniors by double that number. This was something I never thought was possible, considering how little the number of people who truly love to write in NY is.
And beyond that, the people around me have grown so much! When May and Kai managed the mini concert for the launch of our newsletter, there was so much joy swelling in me. I felt really really proud of them. Oh gosh I sound so corny! Haha… But I wished then that I could have helped them to grow more and had given them more chances like these to learn. And even Sylvia and Vinny and Hui Min seem to be so much more confident and mature. And Shu Fang was totally in her element during the 2nd CCA Bazaar, astonishingly managing to churn out so many bookmarks as souvenirs over the span of one single night.
Obviously the credit definitely goes to the teachers because when I was with them last year, nothing happened at all and we all simply lumped together and stagnated. And no I’m not trying to be politically correct here. They don't read my blog anyway. Heh. But honestly, there were so many times during the course of this year that I just thought, "I love Mr Seah!" or "Mr Toh is so cute!" HAHA. I am exceedingly exceedingly grateful to them. Everything that I've ever dreamt of this CCA being able to do, they've assisted me to do, and they've provided everything- the means, the hows, the whys, the learning points, the ideas… I was never alone. Its also undeniable that it greatly helped that these people are authoritative figures whom students readily listen to and obey no matter how grudgingly, whereas I am a mere kid able to give no reason on why I deserve some respect and hopelessly trying too hard to get people to do things on time.
So we'll probably slowly lessen our duties by the end of this term, and the juniors will probably slowly increase their duties by the end of this term as well. Time to get started on mugging and wiping the cobwebs off my History notes, reading up on all those Literature notes and books that I've been putting aside or glancing through far too briefly, and as always, drawing and painting extensively for Art. I pray it's not too late. Something tells me it never will be too late to get started anyway. And didn't Confucius once say, "It doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you don’t stop"? I'm getting back some of my youthful optimism/euphemism!
The juniors have no idea how much power they have right now, with their untapped energy and their immense hopes and the budding possibilities they have within themselves, and most importantly, the wonderful amount of time they have on their sides to do whatever we could never do for Debate & Journalism Society. Somehow I wish I could get that message across to them...
If you're reading this right now, let me tell you that nothing is impossible. J1 is a year of hyper enthusiasm and miraculous changes to your character and to your situation which you will lose bit by bit by the time you hit J2. I guess some things you only realize when it’s too late; when you’re jaded and you’ve lost faith.
After all the tears I shed secretly, and all the frustrations I had to undergo, and all those sleepless nights when I regretted taking up so much responsibility thinking I was some Supergirl when I felt so useless and helpless as my grades slipped down the drain... Everything was worth it. Everything is worth it. :)
Okay okay I've collected my trophy and am done with the Thank You So Much Speech.
The 9th Issue of The NY ConneXions is UP!!!!
Check out Xin Li's cute comic strip.