Saturday, August 19, 2006

Learning to let go.

You try to see the best in people.
You try to help them.
You try to make them understand where you are coming from.
You hope that somehow, things will be better.

But they turn around to bite you in the back.
They tear away your good intentions,
and make everything, everything,
into something its not.
They hurt you, and you can't blame them-
They don't know what they're doing to you.
Even if they do, chances are, they couldn't care less.

And you realize that you have to let go.
You have to keep a distance.
Don't ever turn back.

I think sometimes you really have to just walk away.
You've done all you can. It isn't working.
Sometimes the ending is no ending,
and you have to force yourself to move on,
even if it's the hardest thing to do.

Maybe the Narcissist in us speaks and says,
"You alone can set things right."
But maybe things will only be set right when we leave.
Maybe this is the job of someone else.
Maybe the timing simply ain't right.

And yet somehow, surprise surprise, I just knew this was coming.

I want to tell you to fuck off, but it is pointless.

They say people should be given second chances.
I believe in that.
In fact I believe in third, fourth, and fifth chances.
As many as is needed.
But I will never give chances to those who do not show any significant transformations or even at the most fundamental level- the willingness and initiative to want to change.
Not a single.
Lessons cannot be taught or learned if there is no tragic realization of the irrevocable finality of something being lost forever.
The slap in your face only hurts when times refuses to rewind.

You have sucked me dry.
You have sucked away every ounce of energy from my body.
You have sucked away every grain of compassion from my heart.
You have taken so much from me, and I let you do so, so foolishly, because I care.
I am so so tired. Of this. Of you. Truly.

I will never, never, ever waste my time on people who do not need it or who do not appreciate it- most especially so when there is only so much I can do as a person, and ultimately, only they can help themselves.

Now I see the only reason why you turn to me is because I give a shit about the crap you regurgitate.
Don't call me and have a one-way conversation about yourself.
I am not your voice recorder.
Don't you ever get tired of exhibiting your life over and over again, complaining, explaining, defending, wondering, questioning...?
I know I've had enough of your one hundred hours long horror movie.

I wish we could exchange our eyes with each other.
If only for a moment.
The pain would be worth it.

I am letting go of you, but I am not giving up on you.
There is a difference between the two.

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