"I am selfish. I am problematic. I want to die. But I want a death that is very painless. I want to live in a fantasy world because reality hurts. I don't know what I want in life. Life is so meaningless. Its like a routine where everything is the same. I don't know who I am. Nobody loves me. I would like to have a boyfriend. I want that special feeling. Like any guy also can. Maybe I am cheap."
WOW. That is amazingly special and so completely original! It takes my breath away. Why don't I teach you a few more sensational lines to add on to your melodramatic attention-seeking soliloquy?
How about this one: "I think I am the only one in this whole wide world who has problems and issues. Poverty, war, starvation, natural disasters, tragedies, diseases, murders and rapes are nothing compared to me me me and me."
Beautiful isn't it? And you know what? Its free.
Because ANYBODY CAN SAY ALL THAT KIND OF BULLSHIT.
If everybody in this world is like you, this world, would be dead by now. Everybody would be muttering, "I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate everybody. I want to die. I want to kill myself."
Beautiful isn't it? It takes a lot of poetic and artistic thought to come up with statements like that.
1) THERE IS NO POINT STATING THE OBVIOUS IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. ADMITTING THAT YOU ARE "SELFISH" OR "PROBLEMATIC" CANNOT CHANGE ANYTHING AT ALL. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS SO START DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
2) THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A TRULY PAINLESS DEATH. IF YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE THE COURAGE TO KILL YOURSELF, YOU SHOULD JOLLY WELL TRY YOUR BEST TO LEAD A BETTER LIFE. AND IF YOU REALLY HAVE THE GUTS TO DIE, TAKE THAT SAME AMOUNT OF GUTS TO LIVE. IF YOU WANT TO TAKE LIFE AND DEATH SO LIGHTLY, YOU CAN BE SURE THAT IT WILL TAKE YOU THAT LIGHTLY.
3) LIFE IS ONLY MEANINGLESS BECAUSE YOU CHOSE FOR IT TO BE MEANINGLESS. LIFE IS ONLY A ROUTINE BECAUSE YOU CHOSE FOR IT TO BE A ROUTINE. IF YOU MAKE THE SAME STUPID DECISIONS, EXPECT THE SAME STUPID OUTCOMES AND CONSEQUENCES.
4) NO MAN WILL EVER WANT A WOMAN WHO DOESN'T LOVE AND CHERISH HERSELF. NO MAN WILL EVER LOVE A WOMAN WHO IS CHEAP. NO MAN WILL EVER LOVE A WOMAN WHO IS DESPERATE ENOUGH TO SEEK ANY HUMAN BEING WITH A PENIS. AND IF SUCH MAN EXISTS, HE IS NOT A MAN BUT A PRICK, A BASTARD, A JERK, AND AN ASSHOLE. YOU REALLY WANT THAT?
5) WHY SHOULD ANYBODY LOVE YOU AND BELIEVE IN YOU IF YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF? WHY SHOULD ANYBODY MAKE ANY SACRIFICES FOR YOU IF YOU ARE NOT EVEN WILLING TO MAKE ANY SACRIFICES FOR OTHERS?
SNAP OUT OF IT!
Please, please, please, for the love of god, please snap out of it!
How many times can I, or can anybody else, tell you how wonderful and how beautiful you are, how blessed you are, how fortunate you truly are, before the words start to ring hollow (the way it is ringing hollow now)?
"You're not listening to me. You only want to complain and wallow in self-pity."
"Ya I know. Really sorry."
You're not sorry.
I am sorry for you. I am sorry for your mother who went through so much pain just to give birth to you. I am sorry for your friends. I am sorry for all the shit they have to put up with. I am sorry for you. If you don't want to help yourself, don't expect any help from anybody else. You can lie to me. You can lie to anybody you want. But you cannot lie to yourself.
I wish I could make you understand and realize the importance and the power of a single life- how much of an impact a single person can make in this world. When you become aware of how much power lies in your hands, you become aware of your ability to make a difference and change the world. Yes I know you have heard something like that before, but have you really pondered on the possibility of it and exactly how much potential it contains?
What good are you criticizing yourself or anybody else? What good are you if you live in a lie, a "fantasy world", for the rest of your life? What good are you? Nothing. It is only when you consciously and actively set out to try to be the best that you can be, to help yourself and to help other people, that you successfully utilize the value of your life and transform your potential from something that is merely apparent to something that is real and visible. And I'm not talking about doing huge and magnificient deeds. I'm talking about contributing to the little miracles and joys of life- how a simple smile or embrace, how a tiny little compliment, how a thoughtful act, can brighten up the lives of the people around you and can ultimately make you a happier person.
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step", so says Confucius. What if everybody took a single step on their own accord? How many steps would that be? And if we were to add those steps up together, how many miles would we have walked within a single second?
Please give yourself another chance.
Please give the people who love and care for you a reason why they should not to give up on you.