My dad: If I'm a boy, I'll tackle you.

Me: Wahhh what 'tackle'! You think I'm a soccer ball is it. Anyway want to tackle also cannot. I'm very picky ok.

My dad: Good. I like picky girls. I'll walk you all the way home, open the door for you, see you in, and then close the door for you.

Me: Awww... So sweet!

My dad: And then after that I'll dump you.

Me: WHAT??!! Why??

My dad: For fun.

Me: (Gasps. Shoots him a look.) You're evil!

My dad: What? Nothing comes for free you know.