Sunday, January 06, 2008

The reason you should stop cutting yourself is more like a question:

Are you sure there isn't a better way to handle this pain?

Are you sure?

Because some fucked up person invented a really interesting method of self-mutilation. And it's so ingenious that it proves to me that creativity does exist. And because true creativity does exist, you are highly capable of thinking of a million other more beautiful and healthy ways to control your emotions. Why stick to a tried and tested method. Because it works? But may I remind you that in this certain tried and tested method, the results were always, always, negative?

I once had this conversation with a friend who insisted that depression was comfortable, easy to sink into, and if it made her feel better, why not? Oh trust me, I have been there. I know what you mean. I really do. And I agree so much too. But the easiest way isn't necessarily the right way.

I think we're all in such a rush to get a quick fix. We want anything that makes us feel better, and we want it now. It doesn't matter what it is, because if it makes us happy, why, why the hell is it wrong? But hey, I really don't think it solves the problem at hand. But maybe you don't want the problem to be solved. Maybe you just want a good temporary distraction. Maybe you don't even know what the problem is. And maybe everything just seems so dark and bleak and overwhelming that you don't even know where to begin. How do you clear the mess in your head? Why is everything about you wrong or not good enough? And everybody around you seems more perfect, like they know what they're doing.

Here's the secret:





We're all just groping around, trying to find our way, and sometimes we think we know what we're doing, but we never know for sure.

I think the trouble is that there is this assumption, that there is a 'correct' and 'wrong' way of living. Sadness is wrong, depression is wrong, failure is wrong, envy and jealousy is wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrongness means guilt and shame. Correctness means success and self-affirmation. You know what? Screw it. No one is going to give you marks and little red ticks. Cut yourself some slack. Everything you feel, is part of the human experience. Everything ugly and everything wonderful. Anything can be inspiration. You can use it to drive you, change you, help you, motivate you. Everything is a learning experience. So I think we should feel it all, deeply, and completely, every single tiny little emotion, and then we move on.

When you're ready to face the world, if you're ever ready, I just thought you should know that I could share your burden so it becomes a little lighter. I'm not perfect, but I believe in you. I don't have a reason, but I don't have any motives as well. You have to begin somewhere. So just begin. Just take the first step. It doesn't matter where. We can take it one baby step at a time. You can do it slowly, carefully, at your own pace. No one said it was going to be easy, but it sure as hell is worth it. Trust me.

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