Saturday, March 15, 2008

Me: I just wonder if people feel the same way? That you're so overwhelmed by your emotions that you can't even move, can't even function.

My sis: You know what?

Me: What?

My sis: I think you're so full of shit.

HAHA. How true.

I'm trying to get my act together. I failed nearly all my mid-term exams, and I've received two letters from my professors threatening to expel me due to repeated absenteeism. It doesn't help that I'm forced to write a paper with two bitches who hate me and show it at every chance they get- they think I'm a lazy slacker because I blardy can't wake up and present my pretty face to the class. But it's true, I can't, I just can't, wake up. Why on earth is this so hard? I don't know what's wrong with me. The irony is that I wrote the whole proposal for the paper by myself at 5am in the morning before remembering to add their names underneath. Yay.

As I was telling the idiot, I can't believe I let myself plunge into such big shit. After all that I have gone through- Normal Acad was five miserable years of HELL- and all the sacrifices I made- giving art up temporarily, giving up a damn scholarship- this is where I have ended up- overworked, depressed, demoralized and screwed. Nice one, Faith. This is what you get for being so greedy and wanting to do so much. Juggle your eggs and oops, watch them break one by one. Maybe you can still use your skinny fingers and save the slippery yolks from bursting open.

Now if you guys missed the Spectacular Failure, too bad. But, you can still watch the bit where I pick up the pieces and move the hell on. I shouldn't have allowed myself to be so distracted by things and by people who at the end of it all, don't matter. People can play all the little games they want but I won't let myself go round in circles again. I shouldn't have let you get to me. I did everything I could. I did everything for you. But look at what it has done to me. Just look at me. Look. I cannot let myself drown anymore just because you don't want to be saved, just because you don't know what you want. This has got to stop.

Because I know what I want. I know exactly what I deserve. I know how to get there.

Life is tough so I need to shut the fuck up and quit whining.

Just watch me. I'm stronger than you think. I'm going to make everything work. I'm going to make everything even better than it was before.

Oh gawddd I cannot wait to go to New York!!! :)

4 comments:

Miao said...

The bell curve works in mysterious ways, so there is always the possibility that your grades will be cushioned. Do well in your final exams and I think you'll be all right! After all, you are smart. :)

It doesn't help that I'm forced to write a paper with two bitches who hate me and show it at every chance they get.

I suddenly remember why I hate group projects and jointly-written papers so much. My deepest condolences.

At least you'll get to go to New York in a few months' time. :D

Damon said...

If you need to know, I'm still madly envious of you going to NY.

I know I'm probably useless, but if you need anything I can help with, I'm always around in the internet.

Anonymous said...

faithee!!

i'm going to miss you in New York!!
i'll be in Paris and you'll be in New York!!

hmmm...any chance we can fly mid way n meet up!?

oh my... oh...
buy me books from there.. especially the books that i can't find them here!!!!

i'm so excited for you!!!!

shuwen

Anonymous said...

you arent being punished.


you just havent been rewarded yet.

haha stay strong la you!