We need to feel breathless with love,
and not collapse under its weight.
I'm gasping for the air to fill
my lungs with everything I've lost.
-It's Beginning To Get To Me by Snow Patrol.
Everything I do, let me do for you and you alone. Sometimes I cling on to verses, to ancient promises, to printed words, and wonder if I am desperately clutching air in the trembling palms of my hands- futile, weak and senseless. But there is such aching emptiness and loneliness underneath my fingernails and beneath my bones. No one else but you comes close enough to touching and filling the void. No one else knows how it feels like to walk each stumbling step, with a decaying cavity rising and sinking inside your chest- up and down, up and down, leisurely nibbling portions of your heart with each sharp and stabbing breath you take. What am I supposed to do? With so much despair and fear? It drips and spills over my eyes and my body can't carry the mess any longer. There's so much of it... How do I use it? Where do I put it? What do I do with it? What do I do? Give me an answer, give me anything. You are all I have. You are the only one who will stay, to the very end. Without you, I am most certain that I will go stark stark mad.
3 comments:
you give it to Him
dear Faith,
i love the way you write. you make me feel the words, and i can simply imagine it all in my head.
dont look at every tiny details of life, they're there for a reason. they're too tiny we're supposed to brush them off and forget and smile, and pretend everything is okay, and will stay that way. (though we know better).
i am in the midst of trying to come up with a decent comedy shitass play, but im pretty morbid and emo and i cant laugh.
im afraid you know? like, you try so hard to create a laughable piece and if no one laughs it makes you feel like crap because you and i know that everyone else in class can write such splendid funnycomedy plays and i cannot and its so difficult i have to laugh and sometimes i feel i have forgotten how to laugh properly and its not one of those fake laughter you give people and i have a lot of ideas swimming in my head but my plots are all morbid, and issues i have and about self mutilations and cutting and suicide and how the pills enter your bloodstream and how you can jump down or silently kill yourself inside a secluded toilet and they'll never find you and i have to think about laughing and making people laugh which is difficult you see because i have no idea how to because its been a while because i have forgotten how to laugh and set myself free and watch the world go by on lazy sunday afternoons.
sigh. i love you babe. <3
-hazazaza
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