Monday, February 01, 2010

Felt depressed today because I felt ugly. New haircut makes me feel like I'm back in secondary school with severe acne, lousy grades and suicidal fantasies. Looked like shit in all the photos taken today. At night I sulked and slammed the house door on my boyfriend's face when he said that he was leaving. Had meant to walk him to the bus stop where he takes the bus home, but did not. Instead, I lied flat on the bed and cried for a bit, got up and washed my face, slapped on pimple cream and acne patches and pushed my hair back with a hairband and tried to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Started to search for my phone and realized that my boyfriend must have taken it by accident- I had dropped it into his pocket. Called my boyfriend. Turned out that he was still at my house area, waiting for me while trying to act cool and aloof and utterly furious with me. All the while he was secretly fantasizing that I would rush out of the house and run to find him and hug him from behind and smother him with thousands of kisses and hugs and beg for his absolute forgiveness for having ill-treated him.

Obviously, this did not happen.

He had to walk all the way back to my place and pass me back my phone. Despite the glory of the very prominent acne patches on my face, he still found it in himself to smother me with thousands of kisses and hugs.

Feels so good to be loved so entirely and unconditionally. Thank YOU baby.

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