The doctor says, "Can you describe him in one word?"

She says, "I hate him."

He says, "I mean, just one word. To describe him."

She says, "I really hate him!"

He says, "Okay... Er... Why?"

She says, "Because I find that he's a real..." She frowns. She can't find the word.

For a moment there I think she will say, "Bastard" or "Fucker", but those words are too American.

She says, "He's a very... irresponsible man." She frowns. She's not satisfied with the word.

"Irresponsible," he says. Finally, one word! SCORE! He writes it down on his notepad.

"I just feel like I'm... I'm trapped," she tells him, "in a loveless and meaningless marriage lor."

He looks at me, "Can we discuss this when your daughter is not around?"

She looks at me, "She knows! You ask her!"

They look at me.

I look down, stare at my open palms, at the lines which criss-cross on them. Stare at my right wrist. Stare at the two long vertical veins that travel all the way to my elbow. Stare at the tiny horizontal scars I used to reward myself with, some brown, some white. Time and the sun are fading them away.

Be a big girl now. You will spent the rest of your life trying to pay your parents back for what you never asked for. Be a big girl now.

I look up and give a small smile, a small nod, to tell them to go on.