Tuesday, September 27, 2005


Slogan: We get you tongue-tied.

(Evidence from Subject Number 34364373, "Linguis--lin-- lingustit--- kalli---curly--ello---arrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!")

Dear Miss Ng Su-Min Faith,

We are tremendously worried regarding the sudden inexplicable deterioration in the standard of your linguistic eloquence. We are therefore sending you this letter to warn you that your membership with The LES will be dully evicted if we witness another appalling piece of evidence informing us of your increasingly distasteful manner of speech and writing.

This morning, at 11am, at location: Nanyang Junior College, Level 2, outside the lift, our highly educated spies overheard you telling your acquaintances, namely, Miss Candice Chua and Miss Siti Aisyah, "Don't you remember that time when we standed up during Lit Lecture?" We are severely astounded by your use of the nonexistent and highly unfashionable word, "standed". For your personal and private information, the accurate word should be "stood", as researched by Mr. Nothing Better To Do about 5 seconds ago.

Just 15 minutes later, at location: outside Nanyang Junior College's library, our super-duper top-notch experts, equipped with superior and advanced technologies of all sorts of nature, detected you telling the same acquaintances, "Hey they hanged up our art pieces... ay wait wait... Hanged?? Hang? Or is it 'hung'??" We are seriously astonished by your sudden inability to form a coherent and accurate sentence. Furthermore, inside our database system, it has been shown that your last record of a proper and correct sentence, in all aspects such as grammar and pronunciation, was less than 2 hours ago.

In conclusion, we are extremely worried for the grey matter that exists inside your brain which is in charge of your language abilities, that is, if they still even are in existence of course. We strongly advice you to regain back the implicit sanctity of the English language, and to eliminate all visible traces of "Singlish" that brought on an onslaught of unexpected attacks today, or The LES will revoke your license to even talk at all.

However, we would like to applaud you for your seemingly instinctive creativity and colourful imagination in your innovation of new and exceedingly interesting words like "standed". We are very much intrigued by how you even managed to produce it at all.

We also wish to congratulate you for your excellent aptitude (however unitentional it may be) in amusing your friends (who we must say are very evil and naughty sexy ladies... er hem... no we are not les... I mean we are we are The Les... but... but...) and yourself with remarks as mentioned above.

Well, anyway, your General Paper Promotional Examination papers are approaching, this coming Thursday to be exact, and we wish you a quick and steady recuperation from your demoralising and very surprising failure today.

Yours sincerely,
The LES.


Slogan: We like BIG BUTTS and we can't LIE!

(Refer to a certain famous episode of Friends).

Dear Faith,

We have been given word that you have lost your sanity. In other words, you are crazy. We would like to take this wonderful opportunity to congratulate you for having achieve this. We know how extremely difficult it is to accidentally degrade the health of your mental state of mind to a completely clean and sparkling 0%.

Therefore, we would like to extend to you an invitation to join The CRAAAAAAZZZZY CLUB! (Note: Name of the club, and the number of 'A's and 'Z's inside the word "crazy" are subject to unconditional change every single second of the day). Famous members inside our club would be the 05A1-ners, and the members which we would like to highlight especially, would be the members of the IIMH (Imaginary Institute of Mental Health) Club, The BULLSHIT Club, and the SLACKitude Club, all of which we are aware you are the President of.

We have seen how high and crazy you can get, and such a condition that you carry seems to be multiplying in significance. The most striking evidence and accomplishment that impresses us the greatest, is that of you writing letters to yourself with ficticious names and clubs, and that of you laughing to yourself with immense pleasure as you are typing this now.

We can see that studying (as little as you have studied) drove you crazy in a matter of days. You should be studying, but you are crazy, and we understand with generous sympathy that crazy people do not study. However, we earnestly urge you to break our crazy records and be the first crazy person in Singapore, or at least, inside the Ng family, to be able to juggle the tiring tasks of studying and being crazy simultaneously and successfully.

We invite you to go for a mental check-up at the Imaginary Institue of Mental Health. Our panel of psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors, nurses, and gods, highly advise you on a personal and professional level to sleep more regular hours, eat three meals a day at more regular timings (speaking of which, you have not had your breakfast or lunch yet), and to study harder from henceforth.

We would also like to advice you to keep your fluctuation of emotions in check, for research shows that your emotional level is beyond that of the norm. You are either too cranky, too crazy, too emotional, or too unfeeling. You are never in balance. We are very concerned. We care about you. However, that is only because we are crazy and so are you.

Yours faithfully,

(Note: Name of club, and the switch between "The" and "Da" as the first word of the club's name, is subject to unconditional change every single second of the day, depending on our rollercoaster moods of whether we would like to appear cool and funky, or sophisticated and serious.)


Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

lol wth!!


siti* said...


well done, faith. well done. absolutely wonderful. my english teachers would have been soo proud.

insanity. *shakes head*

i think i attract too many crazy people. i'll go join Patrick the starfish and hide under a rock now.

Shiroi-chan said...

hahaha Faith can i worship you and your blog... i love your entries xDDDDDD
and since i am part of the slackitude club.. and i *cough*auditioned*cough* to join after my "Mr.Kellet, my paper flew away" plan, I of course am shen jing bing too.

that was nice english ((:


i can't finish studying!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO CERTAINLY NOT FINISHING HISTORY. NO NO NO. I AM GOING BERSERKKKK. BERSERKKKKKK! [note that the number of Ks can vary depending on how Berserk Berserk-y Sylvia is.]

I want to sit down relaxed and laugh with you once more. But unfortunately we don't have the luxury to do that now. i want slackitude moments back.

I love Faith a lot. I want Faith back. I want the NORMAL Faith back. a.k.a. I want the crazy retro-lover back. I want the cool lil girl back. i want the left-hander back. I want those big seductive eyes back!!!!!!!!

*you kow syl is going crazy from staring at stuuuupid econs terms when she goes on and on until blogger might not even accept her comment...*

moo said...