Friday, October 24, 2008

Too much love will kill you, my dear.
Too much hope will bring you down.

"I... planned my future with a boy who did not exist."

A pause.

"I mean..." she tried to explain, "There was a boy. But he was nothing I thought he was.

I loved him and I gave him everything I had. I gave, I gave, I gave and I never took. Because in some way, it meant that he owed me something. There was at least some sort of string that connected us together, that meant that he could never leave me.

When it brought me pain I thought of all the things he could be, all the things we could be, all the possibilities. It was perfect. It was so, so perfect. And it was good. And I fed on it, fed on sheer air, sucked the lips of emptiness.

And the worst thing is that at any point, even now, I could still, I could, feed on it, even though I know that it's wrong and it's never going to work out and gawd, I know I'm just hitting my head against the fucking stupid wall! When am I ever going to learn?? When, tell me when, is it ever going to hit me, that it's time to drop it all and just walk the hell away? I mean, am I crazy or what? Do I enjoy hurting myself? Am I crazy??"

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