My dad has given me three years to find myself a boyfriend. He says he's worried that I'll end up becoming a sad and lonely spinster.
He shook his head, "Young that time must worry about you, now also must worry about you."
"Why young that time must worry?"
"Because you always cry and cry, so black and ugly some more. Then your mummy don't want you, want to throw you inside the rubbish dump. Then I must take care of you, that's why we now so close."
"Huh? Really arh? So sad."
"Yah. Some more you like a bit retarded like that, dunno whether must send you to special school or not."
I hit his arm lightly, "Wah 'retarded' is a very strong word leh!"
"Okay, okay... Like a bit..." he tilted his head, as if trying to solve a difficult math problem, "Sub-normal."
"Whaat?? That's a better word?!" I rolled my eyeballs.
"Really! You small that time gong gong, blur blur like anything. Eyes so big, face so round. Everything also dunno. Very slow."
I made a sad face.
"But you are like the tortoise!" he exclaimed, as if to comfort me, "You know, the tortoise and the hare? You know?"
I pouted childishly, "I don't want to be the tortoise."
"Why don't want? Tortoise very good. From Normal still go NUS."
What the hell. I burst out laughing.
Oh and I took cab to school the other day, and the taxi driver insisted that I make friends with his daughter, who is also from NUS.
"But... I don't know her," I said.
"You know her!" he insisted.
"I really don't..." I muttered.
"Neh-mind, neh-mind, NUS very small wan."
"Not really..." I thought.
"Oh ya, by the way, how is Annabelle Chong arh?"
I widened my eyes, "Who?"
"Aiyah. You know, the very smart girl, have sex with a lot of men that one?"
"Oh... Erm... I don't know? As in, I don't know her personally."
He frowned, genuinely puzzled, "How come you don't know her?"
"Should I know her?"
He almost raised his voice, "Ya of course!"
"Er uncle," I hesitated, "You don't angry can? You got mistake me for someone else not?"
"Singapore very small wan."