Tuesday, July 07, 2009

A: I wish so much that I could start all over again.

B: Maybe you did, start all over again. You just don't know it.

A: But if I did, it wouldn't be this screwed up. I'll correct all the mistakes I ever made. Make everything okay again.

B: You can only do that if you have the memory of your previous life with you. If you truly start all over again, how can you even hold such a memory? You can't.

A: Fine. So let's say, God is a little unfair, gives me a little advantage and allows me to remember the life I used to lead while giving me the chance to lead a new one!

B: What makes you think in your new life, you won't make new mistakes?

A: I won't. Let's say, I'm smart enough not to make a single new mistake. Let's say I do everything perfectly, make it exactly the way I want it to be.

B: What makes you think that other people won't make mistakes, won't react to those perfect actions or words you say in drastically unforeseen ways, won't screw your new life up for you? Even if you can control every thought and movement you make, you can never control other people.

A: Let's say, I can. I would be...

B: -God. You would be God.

A: Yes, yes. That would be nice.

B: What kind of world would that be?

A: A fair one. A good one. I am nice.

B: God thinks he is nice too.

A: What if I'm better?

B: Better than God?

A: Yes.

B: Everybody says that. Everybody wants to be better than God.

A: No not everybody.

B: Even if it's only you, that's scary enough.

A: I don't care. I just want a better life.

B: Maybe you want more. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe you already have a good life. You just don't know it.

A: Oh no, no no no, I'm pretty sure I would know it. A good life is a good life. No denying it.

B: How would you know whether or not it's a good life?

A: I’ll know when I have more money, or more…

B: More! See? You want more.

A: Well, I don't-

B: -You don't know?

A: I... Oh forget it!

B: Yes that's what I thought. 'Forget it'.

A: Just shut the fuck up.


B: Nearly everybody seems to live the exact same life these days but they just don't recognize it or even want to acknowledge it. For instance, we all have said, at one point of time or another, "I am afraid to love."

A: (Bitterly) Yes of course you would know wouldn’t you?

B: You would have uttered a statement like that before.
Or “I have a broken past”.

A: I want a perfect future.

B: Or “I have secrets I am terribly ashamed of.”

A: I have lofty dreams people will laugh at me for harbouring.

B: Or “I don't have true friends.”

A: I want to know just how, to be a true friend.

B: Or “I hate the person I have become.”

A: I love the skin of this person I have created and go around walking in.

B: Or “I don’t know what I’m living for.”

A: I want to live, not breathe.

B: Or “I don't know if there is a God.”

A: What does God even mean any more?

B: Or “I cannot open up to people”.

A: I want people to open up to me.

B: Or “I feel lonely”.

A: I feel empty.

B: Or “Don’t touch me”.

A: Touch me. (Reaches out to touch B’s hand.)

B: Or “Don’t look at me”.

A: Look at me. (B doesn’t.) Are we alone? Am I alone?

B: No. You’re not alone. You’re not. Don't you know it's only human nature? No glory. No shame. Just man, simply man, reeking of mortality, wanting to deny the stench.

A: I ask only for the courage to fall to pieces and pick myself up.

B: Maybe we think too much.

A: It's better to think too much than to not think at all.

B: No, not really. Not thinking at all seems a better option. You don't think of troubles, you don't think of pain, you don't think of guilt, or regret-

A: -Yes but you don't think of love. You don't think of happiness either, and you don't think of a great many other wonderful and beautiful things. So what will become of you? Some brainless doll?

B: Emotionless. And content at that.

A: Well then I think you're too easily content. I would rather feel the greatest hurt to know that at that cost, I can feel the greatest love as well. No pain no gain.

B: Oh? Maybe.

A: (Laughs) Maybe?


B: Maybe.

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