Lack of sleep makes me feel absolutely drunk, utterly depressed and defeated. I am not in any real pain. I just feel. So much. At the moment. That's all. My head feels light and vacant, as if someone took my brain out without me knowing. My bones feel so heavy. I hunch and I could hunch lower and lower with great comfort and pleasure until I disappear into myself. Somewhat like a square sheet of origami paper that you fold into a tiny little paper boat and then watch as it drifts away. This un-pretty boat is sinking though. Can't. Move. Much. My legs are cast in stone. My eyes can't seem to stay in one place and they roll inwards and watch the memories inside the capsule of my body spiral down dwindling all the way down into mere stray sounds coming from the ears, the heart, and what is left of this w(hole) soul. The voices in and out mix and melt. I can't stop talking to myself in my head, not really talking but more like yada yada papaya nana lala lala la lily la it goes on and on if you know what I mean.

I want to crawl back into bed and hug my bolster and cover myself with a soft blanket. Oh I want to be a child again. I want to be a spoilt child with chocolate bars in her pudgy hands and stains all over her mouth. Let the world come crumbling down. I don't care I don't care I don't care. I'll pout and stomp my foot in sync with it and bring it down a little faster with each beat. I'll lie beneath the falling rubbles forming into piles and feel it crush me with a roar so I'll look like I feel for once.