last week i missed three lectures and one tutorial. this morning i woke up and missed the first hour of my class. by the time i got to school, class was as good as over. i clearly remember setting the alarm, but i don't think i set it properly because when i checked my phone, there was no record of an alarm. i must have set the alarm in a dream.

all these spurts, these fruitless attempts, towards a better something. i'm gonna be good, i'm gonna be better, tomorrow will be better and then even before the inspiriting declaration is complete, the self-destruction button is punched with a closed fist.

i've been on an edge these past few nights. the afternoons are wasted away in a dull and drowsy state and the nights are spent suppressing abrupt attacks of despair. self-control, i tell myself, self-control! it takes all i've got not to give in. pull yourself together and rein it in. i'm gonna be good, i'm gonna be better, tomorrow will be better. suck it up and dig in.