some days i lose the strength to crawl out of bed and i don't know what i'm living for, what i'm doing with my life, where i'm going, and if i'm even worth anything at all. i am no longer satisfied with the answers i used to tell myself and i doubt a lot of things i used to hold as true. i have come to appreciate the simple and frivolous pleasures in life, like dressing up for instance. thinking of what to wear and pulling it off gives me a sense of purpose for that day- i am going somewhere- and the permission to act in a certain way, like an actress whose costume helps assimilate her into her role.
it is important to surround yourself with positive people who will love you and support you no matter what you did or what you will do. when you lack the confidence to believe in yourself, to believe that you have something to offer to this world, they will be that confidence for you. they will be the hands that lift your body off the mattress and the legs that kick the blanket off and the feet that plant themselves firmly on the floor. they will be the voices in your head that tells you to roll with the punches. to give it your best shot, come what may. to keep moving. to keep moving forward.
one day i hope to attain the courage to laugh about the past. to not beat myself up over every little thing and wish that i could rewind time and spend hours fantasizing and agonizing over what i should and shouldn't have said and done. to let go and hold no bitterness.
life is hard and very short, and i wish you well, from the bottom of my heart, no matter what happened between us. i wish you well and i wish you love.