Saturday, September 17, 2005

I realize that the people closest to me are the people who enjoy playing mind games. Ironically, it is something that I greatly and earnestly detest. But I am someone who is rather self-sadistic, though I hate to admit it. I enjoy spending my time talking to these people, throwing around bullshit and wit and twists and a dash of humour (lame or typically sarcastic), playing with words and double triple meanings as they play with theirs', wondering about moves and actions and the underlying implications as they wonder about mine. It's like an intelligent (intelligent?) jigsaw puzzle. There's something teasing and taunting about this that attracts and compels me to move away. Push and pull.

Interestingly, isn't that how people flirt? It's something like chess I suppose. You flirt even in friendships, even if you were the same sex. Definition of flirt: to make playfully romantic or sexual overtures; to deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with; to move abruptly or jerkily.You wait for them to make the moves, before or after you have made them yourself that is, and you react to those moves with all the tact and tactics you can employ and you pray with all your pleading heart that you made wise choices that would go generally well in the long run of the relationship. You always want to be in control. Even waiting for someone to take control, is on your part wanting to be in control. You will that person to come to you. You hope you have that type of magnetic allure, that type of impalpable but hovering shadow of power to dominate the other. You hope you are the one leading him or her on, and he or she is chasing after you with a sort of desperate desire that you yearn for. And even if it isn't a chase, you long for it to be a mutual partnership. But if you think about it, even in dances like the waltz or the cha cha, there is always someone (why is it usually the male?? ha ha ha... feminist jaws peeking out... totally random >.<) leading the other with each tiny delicate step, following the erratic (or normally predictable actually) beats of the pouring music.

Just remember, it's all just a game. It doesn't mean anything to them, and it doesn't mean anything to me... or does it? I'm sure people get hurt, especially if you are one to take things seriously while the other party is one who plays around for the leisurable fun aspect of it. So why do we continue? How come we are so thoroughly amused and entertained? We're like animals involving the two characters of predator and prey. This should be okay for friendships? Maybe. Maybe not. How about love? A total and obvious no-no? Really? Hmm...

Let me tell you why we continue. Because we like it. We like the chase. We like to chase. We like being chased. We like to feel the intensation and antagonism and the rushing thrill of the teases and to tease. Our inherent sense of curiosity is easily aroused and we demand satisfaction to be afforded to us. In having that desire stirred so strongly, there is a definite inclination to want to react back to it and to that person who brings about such emotions and keen interest to us. And ta da, we have an attraction, a crush, a liking. It all comes too easily at this age. It's too too easy, something I'm a little bit displeased with, only in the view of a boy-girl relationship. I guess we do have an end in mind- we want to wait and see if there will come a certain charming moment, when two people will start on the exact same foot, and stroll at the same lovely pace with astounding harmony and connection. That's what I'll call "soulmates", "best friends", or "lovers" even.

Bring this a litle bit further in a relationship and you submerge yourself into a deep swollen sea of manipulation. The most common ones we know would be: gossip, and people blogging about so and so with the full vindictive intent of letting so and so stumble across it, blah blah blah. The latter is just so pathetic. Gossip I can't even begin with since I'm sure it started the moment the human race was created, so ah wells, heh. I cannot stand people who do the latter. I also cannot stand people who hypnotise themselves even for a single second to believe the preposterous and erroneous delusion that their blogs are exclusively private. Puh lease. Wake up okay. People read your blogs, so don't get all shocked and go "oh my god" and act as though a major scandal has just erupted. What were you expecting? Go write a diary for goodness sake. Don't forget to lock it up. Heh.

Do you know what you're doing when you play mind games in relationships? Are you just having fun and tearing people up as you go along? There is a thin, almost breaking line, between trying to be funny and cutting people up with your words peppered with deliberate insinuations. Use those grey areas you were given for once. Accept the fact that you're not always in control, and can never be. Take the backseat and go for a ride. Take control sometimes, especially if you're always passively waiting for something to happen or for someone to take the first move. Hello, what generation is this already?? Of course every relationship is born already complex and unique. I really feel you should be sincere no matter what, and yes, just go by trial and error because can you really think of anything better than that? Ha ha. Look at me. A failure that so does not preach what she says and yet am trying foolishly to give some strange advices. Oh wells. But before you do all that, I suggest you pray hard, pray really hard, that nothing happens to you, although something always will happen though. But hey, of course that something being in nature negative or positive would remain to be seen. :P

6 comments:

Godwin said...

wow. wow. wow.

estelwen said...

huh?

SirWhale said...

Very well said, very inspiring too: I feel like writing my own take on the issue(s), but that another time.

Meanwhile we should realise that at the core of the greatest flirts lies an intractable longing to have their desire for love, or rather, pleasure, permamently fulfilled.

That, or they're just, as I often say, trying to be funny.

QT said...

hmm.. i must say that ppl like u who possess strong linguistic abilities always sounds like they make sense even when they're puking crap. hahah. hmm.. like ur entry. it's funny. maybe those who play mind games and wants to have control are just simlpy doing so out of fear of getting hurt ba. hmm. u noe wad i mean ya? shall not elaborate further. hhaha

qt said...

oh ya, btw, mind games are EXHAUSTING and takes up lots of mental energy, not to metion all the emotional stress that goes along with it.

Faith said...

qt i'm not puking crap. >.< wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... sobs... lol.