(I'm so glad that I can finally, even if temporarily, stop pretending. All those offers to have tea together, to hang out together, to get to know each other better and catch up and what not. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this charade.
What I really want to do, is to dig deep into our chests and eat our hearts in one go. Put all the bits and pieces together, taste them still intact inside my mouth, and swallow them down.
Let's all stop lying to each other, spitting through the gaps in our teeth foul statements about how we all love one another when we don't even like each other.
Let's face it, we were brought together by a common ground- school. School can kiss my fragrant little ass. I will dedicate the rest of my holidays to going to waste, to spending time in the way I want to spend time and not giving a shit about anything in particular and glow and flourish without the agony of grades and the worth this shitty I-will-work-in-your-favour-if-you-work-in-my-favour system dictates me to contain. And now that it's gone away for a bit, we have no use for each other any more.
No use for the entertaining bonding gossip and bitchiness, the who slept with who, who is going out with who, oh my god who actually did that audacity, the backlash, and the painful laughter which coats everything boring and awkward with achingly sweet sugar. Even pain became glamorous. Even pain.
I wonder why I spent so much time, fretting, over what didn't matter at all. I'm so sad that this is the way things are around here.
All those shiny photographs taken to prove that something was important, that something was happening, become paper-thin rectangles that we blink and miss.
We were never real. We are hit and miss, hit and blink and miss.)